The Loss of a Child's File

THE LOSS OF A CHILD'S FILE. So many of us have been through this. As I sit here looking at my precious little girl, home only for a little over a month, I know now why the other child was not to be ours, was meant by God to go to another family. But as I see her pictures meeting her new family, my heart is torn, feeling joy and loss at the same time. Joy that she is with such an amazing family (that God always intended her to be with), and loss because we tried for almost two months to get her file ourselves.

It was the struggle to convince my husband that we needed to bring this second child home at the same time as our other daughter. Showing him her video over and over again until he got the background song stuck in his head. Prayers that he would say yes, and then once he did, prayers that we would be able to transfer her file to our agency since we already had PA for our first daughter. And oh how we tried, but it was not meant to be. But this little girl opened up our hearts to bringing a second child home on this last trip. 

I felt strongly that we should adopt two little girls with Down-syndrome. Partially so that they would have each other as they grew up, and partially because one more little life would have a family. Now as I look at my girls I see that God brought together the perfect combination. Their personalities blend together so well. As I hold my little girl, I can’t imagine loving her any more if she had come my own womb. I love the feel of her skin, and the smell of her little body and breath. Her joyful smile and bright eyes make our lives more wonderful each day. So, as I see the little one that we lost with her new family, I admit I do feel sadness at the loss of her. I know, though, that she is exactly where she is supposed to be, and that God used her as a path to bring our sweet Lucie home.

I know there are so many other families out there that have tried to bring home a precious child that they felt in their heart was theirs, only to be told that that child belonged to someone else. My heart aches for them because I know that feeling of loss. Looking at her pictures with her amazing family will probably always be bittersweet for me. Some families don't even get the chance to see God's work in watching the child they lost flourish with their new family, or get to look at the child's face in their arms that was intended for them instead. I am grateful.