Light From Shadows

Today I heard this. That true love is that which stands between the person loved and something that sets out to destroy it. This is what Jesus did for us with his redemption on the cross. This is what he calls us to do in His name here on Earth. In the adoption world that sometimes means taking a child out of an orphanage and giving him hope and love. Sometimes it means advocating for your adopted child once home when the world seems against them. And sometimes it means supporting a family for whom adoption has brought complete devastation. 
For you see, that is what adoption is. All three of these parts. It’s the advocating for precious children, or searching for a child to bring into your family. Preparing for them, and then their inclusion into the family. Hopefully with growth and healing. And then comes the happily ever after. Or not. That’s what families truly have to be prepared for before they even leave the starting gate down the adoption path. Because no matter how strong your intentions are, how well you educate yourself for every possible outcome ahead of time, you can’t possibly anticipate what is coming home with the child that you are adopting. Yes, sometimes it can be health issues that were undisclosed or never previously discovered. What I am talking about, though, is the possible trauma your child experienced before they became yours. Sometimes children are resilient enough that they can work through this past trauma, but sometimes, whether they were adopted at 2 or 12, they just can’t. You can try every therapy imaginable, but the healing is never going to come. Sometimes, then, what you are left with is a family that is shattered.
How am I as a huge adoption advocate telling you these things? How do I expect families to take the risk of adoption if I talk about the dark side of adoption? Because adoption is a farce if it is not seen from all sides. No amount of ‘training’ is going to prepare you if you are only given a glimpse of all of the possible outcomes. And as an adoption advocate, and someone who tries to emulate our Lord Jesus, I have to love the children that I advocate for AND those who bring these children home. Which also means that I stand between them and anything that is setting out to destroy them. 
Potential families need to be honest with themselves (as do their social workers) about what they can handle. And then realize, again, that sometimes there is no way to possibly be prepared for what your future with your new child may be. Adoptive families in crisis need to be able to share pieces of what is going on in their lives without fear of repercussion. Keeping the ‘dark side’ hidden does neither the adoptive family or the potential adoptive family any good whatsoever. 
As an adoption advocate I say Adopt! Adopt! yes, please Adopt! But do so with eyes wide open, looking at all sides of adoption, looking beyond the beautiful advocacy photos that I share with you. Search your own heart and life, as well as the hearts and lives of others who have gone before you down the path of adoption.

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