Victories

Ask many adoptive or step families and you will find most agree that putting together a family the unconventional way isn’t always an easy task! Bringing kiddos together from various backgrounds with different temperaments and developmental abilities takes some work. Sometimes I feel that my kids are like a bunch of only children all stuck together in one family. And as with most things adoption related, there is no quick fix for this.

Our son, Jason, was by far the youngest sibling for several years until suddenly within just over two years he was presented with five more siblings. For any child this would be difficult, but for a child born with Autism, it went well beyond your regular hard. It took a good year for the first few kiddos to get into some sort of groove (i.e. tolerate each other for small amounts of time). I actually remember the first time my husband and I watched as they spent the evening playing together. Those little feats are huge in a family like ours. 

Jason took on the role of oldest brother, and the others, not having had a typical background themselves, were and are able to tolerate a lot of things from their big brother that most siblings would never willingly permit. More recently I have seen an effort on my 10 year old daughter, Annie’s, part to let a lot of things go that were intolerable before. She is just a year younger than Jason (the thought being that they could play and grow up together since they were so close in age! - Ummm.)  And Jason, for whom it is particularly hard to accept change, or variation from anything he sees as the right path, his growth has been tremendous. As hard as it’s been I realize how much these younger siblings have helped him in a way that will make life much easier and better for him in the future. 

Just last week Jason came into our room and cheerfully said, “I don’t hate Henry anymore!” (Henry, like Jason also has Autism and is the next to youngest in our family as of last spring.) At first we were a bit taken aback by the ‘hate’ part, but he continued by saying, “I love him!” And then, “He screams like I do, right? But you still love him!?” Just wow! Jason was able to see another member of the family with the same struggles loved and accepted for who he is. And in return this helped Jason to realize how much we love and accept him despite his struggles, too.

This evening I heard Annie say to Jason, “Come sit by me and watch the movie.” Another gem to store in my memory as a precious first. Because again, this is what adoptions does. It allows you to celebrate the most simple things as great victories.