THE MAGIC RECIPE
The magic recipe. That’s what we adoptive parents of kids from hard places spend so much of our children’s lives looking for. We are somehow always certain that if we could just find the right combination of medications, or therapies, the right diet, or even the right response, we would somehow be able to make things more peaceful in our household. And so many times we come so close! We found it! Behaviors are evened out, and our child seems almost typical for a day or two, or even a week. And then all heck breaks loose, and we are left scrambling to figure out how the magic recipe failed, or more likely we wonder how we failed.
Because that’s what we do. We blame ourselves. We must have done something to upset the balance. We must have not fed them enough breakfast, or enough protein in their snack. We forgot that one supplement this morning. Or, if only we had handled this particular situation in this way or that, it would have not gone down this horrible path and we could have continued down the road to perpetual peace. So then we heap a big load of guilt onto our shoulders that are already so heavily burdened.
Here’s the thing. We can do absolutely everything in the book right; every morsel and pill that goes into our child’s mouth, and every situation handled in a perfectly ‘Connected’ way. But guess what folks? In the end it’s up to them! The ONLY thing we can truly control (or try to control) is ourselves, and that with the help and grace of God! We can control our responses to our child. We can love and show affection to our child without being loved first or loved in return. We can maintain peace in our own hearts and minds as our child goes through the roof with their emotions. That magic recipe that we constantly seek, though, is an illusion. Oh, it might very well help, and give us slices of peace, and continued hope that we have at last found that perfect combination. And do we continue to try to get it right? Sure! But that big ole load of guilt and burden we place on our shoulders that we aren’t ‘getting it right’? We need to get rid of that heavy load.
What if, instead of continual disappointment and the burden of guilt, we were to chose to start each day like this in prayer. “Lord, this is a new day. Please help me to love my child and show love to my child throughout this day, even in those times when they are hard to love. Help me to give everything I can of myself to them, but to also forgive myself when I fail, and in humility move on. Help me to remember that my child is their own person, and that ultimately they have to choose their own path in life, and whether or not their day will be good or bad rest on their own shoulders. Lord, you have promised to carry our burdens for us, so I ask you today to take all of this guilt that I tend to heap on myself away from me. You created my child, Lord, and you love them. Help me to trust you with their life, and to allow you to use me in it.” Because, after all is said and done, only He holds the true magic wand called grace, and only He knows the final product in the recipe of our lives.
Because that’s what we do. We blame ourselves. We must have done something to upset the balance. We must have not fed them enough breakfast, or enough protein in their snack. We forgot that one supplement this morning. Or, if only we had handled this particular situation in this way or that, it would have not gone down this horrible path and we could have continued down the road to perpetual peace. So then we heap a big load of guilt onto our shoulders that are already so heavily burdened.
Here’s the thing. We can do absolutely everything in the book right; every morsel and pill that goes into our child’s mouth, and every situation handled in a perfectly ‘Connected’ way. But guess what folks? In the end it’s up to them! The ONLY thing we can truly control (or try to control) is ourselves, and that with the help and grace of God! We can control our responses to our child. We can love and show affection to our child without being loved first or loved in return. We can maintain peace in our own hearts and minds as our child goes through the roof with their emotions. That magic recipe that we constantly seek, though, is an illusion. Oh, it might very well help, and give us slices of peace, and continued hope that we have at last found that perfect combination. And do we continue to try to get it right? Sure! But that big ole load of guilt and burden we place on our shoulders that we aren’t ‘getting it right’? We need to get rid of that heavy load.
What if, instead of continual disappointment and the burden of guilt, we were to chose to start each day like this in prayer. “Lord, this is a new day. Please help me to love my child and show love to my child throughout this day, even in those times when they are hard to love. Help me to give everything I can of myself to them, but to also forgive myself when I fail, and in humility move on. Help me to remember that my child is their own person, and that ultimately they have to choose their own path in life, and whether or not their day will be good or bad rest on their own shoulders. Lord, you have promised to carry our burdens for us, so I ask you today to take all of this guilt that I tend to heap on myself away from me. You created my child, Lord, and you love them. Help me to trust you with their life, and to allow you to use me in it.” Because, after all is said and done, only He holds the true magic wand called grace, and only He knows the final product in the recipe of our lives.
Comments
Post a Comment