Healing Me

A little over a year ago my husband and I decided to adopt again. This would be our 8th child, and 7th adoption. We were unsure of which adoption path the Lord was leading us down, but as we searched for direction, one path took me to a place that would change my warm, fuzzy feelings about adoption. I began talking with many families for whom adoption had been especially unkind. Many were in situations they never would have dreamed possible. Through this, I made many dear friends, who I hope will remain close for a very long time. That being said, I am very much all or nothing sort of person, and when I ventured down that path filled with hurt families, I let my heart stay there, hurting along with them. It brought a sort of darkness into my life that I only more recently decided to pull away from. Don’t get me wrong, I still very much encourage and support adoptive families who are struggling. I just try not to let my head and heart stay continually steeped in the sadness and darkness.

At this point in time, I had already been going down hill a bit physically and emotionally since moving out of state two weeks after coming home with two of our children from China in 2016. Most likely I was dealing with Post Adoption Depression Syndrome, but didn’t know anything about that at the time. A year later we would bring our girls with Down syndrome home from China as well. They were, and are, amazing, bright lights in our family. However, it was on the trip to bring them home that I realized that I was a woman in my late forties who was adopting two small children. My body hurt. Joint pain, back pain, neck pain. Exhaustion. I began looking like a middle aged woman, and started gaining weight. I would go to bed at 8pm with the kids, only to wake up at 3-4am and unable to go back to sleep. This went on for months. After adopting our son this last spring, I finally looked in the mirror and realized that I wasn’t who I wanted to be. My complexion alone gave away the fact that I wasn’t leading a healthy lifestyle. I decided then and there to go down a different path. 

My first step in healing was to change my diet. I went towards more of a Keto sort of diet plan, but mostly my goal was to eat more healthfully. I increased my water intake, and tried (not so successfully) to lower my coffee intake. I cut out sugar, gluten and any kind of carbs. After a few months and a little extra boost from the stomach flu, I finally started to feel better about my weight. I also began including supplements like Vitamin D3, B vitamins, Magnesium into my diet. 

Emotionally, I also knew that I needed to go in a different direction. I tried turning my thoughts, my writing, and my choices of those I was being educated by to a more positive tune. One of my new favorite speakers to listen to has been Bryan Post, from The Post Institute. While being very real about the hardships that can come from adoptive relationships, he is also very encouraging and emphasizes, “Choosing Love.” I have already learned so much from listening to him about being present in the moment, but not controlled by it. And as far as self-care and healing is concerned - how to breathe. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t really breathing, and learning how to breathe, especially in the moment, has become very healing. 

My next big hurdle was sleep. I had been in the habit of early to bed, and way too early to rise for months and months. I always figured that if I couldn’t sleep, I might as well be up enjoying the quiet in the house that I didn’t usually have during the day. This is where essential oils came to the rescue. I had been using oils for a few years, but started using them more extensively. I soon heard about oils that offered hormone support, and others that could help with positive emotions and energy. And they truly did. I began to sleep through the night, or waking up and then gently drifting back to sleep until my husband began to wonder about me. I tell you this honestly, that just yesterday he told me that I am a new woman. And I feel like it. I have an energy and a joy that I haven’t had, really, in years. 

I plan on continuing down this path of health and healing. I might be approaching 50, but I have 6 little ones at home that need me to keep up with them for quite some time now. I owe it to them and to myself to put an emphasis on my diet, and my whole health routine. And who knows, maybe someday I will actually take up exercise. Ok, that’s probably never going to happen, but it’s a nice thought! Oh, well! I will go for the almost wholly healing-me plan!